The kindness of strangers

pay-it-forward

 

“You have two hands, one to help yourself, one to help others.”

Anyone who knows me, or reads my Happy Starfish blog, understands I get more than a teensy bit excited when I hear of pay it forward stories.

Yesterday I was a recipient of a random act of kindness which instilled such a warm and fuzzy feeling, it hasn’t worn off yet. Following my post stating my intention to want to write a novel I was touched to receive a gift of three books on novel writing, via amazon , from a fellow blogger. This was accompanied by a lovely note wishing me luck.

I don’t know this blogger (who wishes to remain anonymous), and living on the other side of the world I am unlikely to ever meet them, but am so grateful of their encouragement.

It would be easy to paint a bleak view of our world today, hate, crime and war appear to be everywhere. Many of us live in fear, stress and uncertainty, our anxieties fuelled by the media and drip fed with every bad news story circulated.  We can make a difference. We can create our own good news stories. I blogged last year about a kindness book we have in our kitchen to encourage our children to be mindful of things they can do for others, and there is always something we can do for others, however small.

Kindness is contagious – be a carrier.

pay-it-forward-2

 

 

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The one I’ve been waiting for

BLOG - HEART GLOW

 

You come to me in my dreams; I don’t see you but I feel you, touching my face, whispering the things I need to hear.  You make my heart race and my soul shine.  I feel I could be happy.  I don’t deserve to be happy. You calm the inner turmoil bringing the tranquillity I have been craving but have been unable to obtain.  Who are you?

I desperately search for you everywhere I go.  I want my dreams to become a reality and yet apprehensive that if they do I would disappoint you the way I’ve always disappointed myself. Where are you?

I feel you know me and yet how can you know me and still want me?  Still be here? I hover from peacefulness in your presence to panic that I cannot be who you think I am.  Who do you think I am?

I want to tell you everything and nothing.  I wish you could crawl inside me and feel what I feel. I long for you to just know without the need for explanations and recriminations.  Do you think I am so benevolent? What if I’m not?  What if I’m not who you think I am?    Who am I?

Do you look at me and see something good?  I really want to be the girl you see.  For her to exist would be like scrubbing out the dark side of me and filling it with light, a thousand dancing angels spreading joy and love.  I am tainted and you are too late to be my salvation.  Redemption is not always deserved and anyway I have done little to earn it.  What do you expect from me?

Last night I again felt your soft touch on my cheek bringing comfort where there was fear, calm where there was anger, making me the person I want to be.  I need you.  Do you need me?

I reach out for you, I want to touch you, to feel you, to be you.  I love you. Do you love me?

The bright light disappears and you come into focus.  I find myself staring into my own eyes.  Confusion fades as realisation dawns.  I had got so scared to feel, so shut off to my own existence that I lost sight of who I really am.  I had the light within me all the time I just needed, to forgive myself, to love myself.  I accept I am good enough.  I am enough.

I am filled with knowing, the understanding that the one whose love, acceptance and kindness I need is me. I am the one I have been waiting for. Overwhelming feelings of love wash over me and I can feel my body filling with an inner peace as my negativity and self-loathing quietly slip away.

I awake.  I can feel. I am home.  I am whole.