Photo courtesy of J Hardy Carroll
There’s a crack in the curtains just wide enough to watch you standing in the shadow of time at the bus stop; rucksack on shoulder, school tie skewwhiff. You’re cradling your heart in both hands, waiting for it to start beating.
Usually he doesn’t notice you.
But today there’s the gaze that lingers too long, the smile that’s too bright.
Run.
Take your heart and run away before it gets broken.
Instead you take his hand.
Why him?
Now I’ll have to tell you the story of his dad and I.
The real story of you.
Be the one who destroys you.
Why me?
‘Forbidden ‘was written for Friday Fictioneers. A weekly flash fiction challenge inspired by a photo prompt. Please do check out the other entries over on host Rochelle’s blog and join in!
I like stories that extend out beyond the words on the page. You did that with this one
Thanks Neil.
Why indeed – Good stuff…
Thanks Martin.
A complicated situation and a difficult conversation ahead! Expertly done Louise.
Thanks Iain.
One of life’s really difficult issues, so well written.
Thanks Jilly.
Dear Louise,
‘…cradling your heart in your hands.’ Masterful phrase. Good one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle.
I agree ~ my favorite among many in this piece.
If you really mean that about ‘constructive criticism appreciated’ I’m going to be honest and say that I had to read this several times to disentangle and understand who all the ‘yous’ were. I like what I finally found, although I don’t know if my interpretation is correct. 🙂
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
Sorry this wasn’t for you Susan. Thanks for reading.
Titillating stuff here
Thanks. Great photo!
A complicated person in a complicated relationship.
Indeed.
Always an interesting theme, this. The book I never finished was on precisely this topic. Beautifully done.
Ooh hope you finish it! I’d definitely read that.
She’s been dreading this moment. Knowing her own feelings, she had guessed that her daughter would be susceptible to the same charm. The temptation to say nothing must be strong.
Precisely. The truth will always out!
Lovely , wonderful, and frightening!
Thanks for reading!
left us wondering and moved….
Thank you!
Wonderfully sad. Keeping this kind of secrets from nearly adult children never turns out well.
Not when they find out!
Your story like all very good stories revealed more than it concealed. Superb writing..
Thanks!
I think it will come out sooner or later… in my view we always believe the lies can be white and truth will be too painful… I have always found that when the truth really comes you find people really expected something much worse.
Yes I think you’re probably right.
This was interesting, I guess it is better that the truth comes out.
Very quickly!
Boy! You told so much in so few words. This tale left me wondering. Who? What happened. What WILL happen? Beautifully done.
Thanks Lish.
Reblogged this on The Writer's Block.
And yet, at the same time… is that not what living is all about? Sometimes we must risk our heart…
Course if the story to be told is a doozie, that changes everything… or not. Because sometimes we must figure it out on our own.
Aww yes we must risk our hearts to fully live.
Such a layered story. I really liked the feel of it. Must read more of your writing now 🙂
Thanks!
A complicated situation. I feel they have a long road ahead before he comes to terms with the news.
Me too.
I read the story multiple times to be able to fit in the pieces – a mother trying to protect her child from the same charm she had fallen for. Good one.
Yes. Thanks for reading.
Oh my, that took my breath away.
Thank you.
I sense a difficult conversation on the horizon. Great tale.
Click to visit Keith’s Ramblings!
Very. Thanks for reading.
Wow, you are definitely a wordsmith. The story had such beautiful language and a subject that invokes emotion. Thanks for the story 🙂
Very kind Jacob. Thanks.
There is a disturbing element to this story. So much said, so much left unsaid. Well done, Louise.
Thanks Susan.
Nice tale of the anxiety that goes with true and unrequited love
Thanks Larry.
This was very sensitively told and has such gripping, painful emotion. Secrets have such power and I can just imagine the dread the mother has always carried and the horror that she has to confess. I tend to think the outcome isn’t going to be as bad as she fears, although the daughter falling for her half brother and the fallout from that won’t be good short term. You haven’t said whether there’s someone who she believes to be her father. Or, perhaps I missed it. Well done.
Best wishes,
Rowena
Thanks Rowena. So pleased you read (& understood!)
So sad, her mother must break her heart with a truth she has kept secret. Beautifully written.
Thank you Brenda.
All of the secrets…
Indeed.
It’s like the original Fairy Tales: messages about real life moral choices. Nicely done.
Thanks very much.
You can run but you can’t hide. Eventually, the things you try to bury the deepest are the ones that catch you. Nicely done.
They do! Thanks for reading.
Very beautifully written.
Thanks!
So well done – the backstory hinted at and leaving the reader to imagine the fur that might fly before this mother and daughter are reunited.
Aaahhh…sad. I actually know a family this happened to.
Was quite the scandal!
Expertly written as always. The truth always outs doesn’t it? She had to know eventually…
Indeed!
a little too deep for me, but maybe a second reading will clarify things. 🙂
Enigmatic. But I’m sure she’s beating herself up unnecessarily.
Hope so!
A really complex scenario distilled down into something very pure and real. Great work!
Thanks so much!
So short yet amazing !!
Thank you Johanna
love this!!!
Thanks so much!
“You’re cradling your heart in your hands, waiting for it to start beating” is such a profoundly amazing line.
Thanks so much Grace.
“school tie skewwhiff”… very nice sounds going on there
Thanks Richard!