Image courtesy of CEAYR
Sometimes I wonder if it would have made a difference if you’d told me somewhere else. Somewhere beautiful. Whether sitting cross legged next to the bubbling stream, sunlight dappling the water would have softened the blow. Do you remember our picnic there? Warm breeze kissing our skin, your lips kissing my neck? It was perfect until we opened the picnic hamper. Wasps buzzing around our sandwiches, ants marching towards the jam jar.
Sorry, I’m drifting. That always did annoy you, didn’t it? But did the ugliness of our surroundings coax those ugly words out of your mouth? I still wonder. Sometimes.
It’s been a week for celebrating! The Gift was listed in Amazon’s half yearly trends report as the third biggest selling ebook of 2017 so far and Sphere (Little, Brown Book Group) shared the exciting news they will be republishing The Sister on August 24th and it will be available in retailers for the first time. You can read my post about that here. It’s been an incredible year and I’m so grateful. I wouldn’t have honed my writing without Friday Fictioneers.
‘Sometimes’ was written For Friday Fictioneers. A weekly 100 word story challenge inspired by a photo prompt. You can join in over at host Rochelle’s blog here.
fabricating fiction 
I like the way you use setting to tell the story. The wasps and the ants at the picnic show that even then the relationship was wobbling.
Congratulations on ‘The Gift’!
Thanks Penny. Nothing is perfect.
I picture the narrator talking to his lover’s gravestone.
They could be!
The setting matters. People choose exotic settings to exchange rings, so that there are happy memories to fall back on, later in life.
That’s very true Reena!
The doubt and the fear, turn the beauty of this setting into ugliness. Nicely fabricated fiction.
Thanks very much Kelvin.
I feel for your character, her pain so deep that’s it’s making her contemplate as to what would have made it lesser .
If it’s something that ugly, I don’t think the setting can alter the impact . But may be , that’s just me .
Congratulations on the success of your book! 🙂So happy for you.
Thanks! Re the story I think she’s clutching at straws!
In the flow of thoughts and excitement for your book’s success, I forgot to mention how beautifully written this piece is! 🙂
Aww thanks!
The voice in this is dense and satisfyimg. That’s hard to do in 100 words
Thanks Neil!
Gorgeous atmosphere, Louise. A feeling of unhurriedness, a slow examination of their relationship and the impact of what he said – whatever that was! You packed so much emotion into so few words and I’m still wondering how you did it. Lovely work.
And well done on more success. So pleased for you.
Thanks Lynn. I’d like to have written more (don’t we always!)
Ha! How true. But then, FF can be a jumping off point for something larger when it leaves us wanting more. Of course, then we have to find the time to write all of these ideas up …
Congrats for your well-earned success. I’ve yet to read The Gift but liked The Sister a lot.
I don’t think the setting would soften the blow, it would, if possible, make her even more bitter. The sadness and disappointment is very clear.
You’re right I think. A beautiful setting would have made it worse! Thank, do hope you enjoy The Gift.
Oh, this was wonderful, Louise. So well-written and articulated.
All the best with The Gift! I see it’s doing amazingly well! No surprise here. 😉
Thanks very much!
This is indeed powerful. So much said by what’s not said. So where were they and what provoked the ugly words? A great hook.
Congrats on your success as a writer!
Thanks so much Christine – it’s been a long time coming!
First! Congrats on the book. How exciting! This piece seems to “float” although it is pretty dark. (Does that make sense?) Well done.
Thanks Alicia. Yes perfect sense!
Really nicely done.
Thanks very much.
I’m guessing his words would not have sounded better no matter the setting. At least some beautiful location hasn’t been forever ruined for her!
That’s a very good point!
Congrats on The Gift (as you know, I enjoyed it…)!
As for the story, the prettiest setting would have ended up sounding ugly, with whatever those horrid words are, methinks. Very atmospheric indeed.
Thanks Dale – I think you’re right.
Will be an awesome moment to see it on the bookshelves in the shops! Congratulations. A beautiful spot might just have delayed the inevitable ugly words from coming.
Thanks Iain – I’m ridiculously excited!
First, Congratulations on the book! As for the story, well would the setting have mattered? I don’t think so, words can be ugly on their own too! Things were perhaps simply not meant to be.
Thanks Esha! Yes words alone can be ugly enough.
Such a beautiful and well told saga of hurt and loss. Very mature of the narrator. We feel her pain.
Very kind – thank you.
Many congratulations! Well done, and I liked this story, too 🙂
if they’re committed to each other, the relationship can still be saved. i think all that’s needed is a reboot.
Perhaps! Thanks for reading.
Dear Louise,
Lovely and wistful, full of longing and regret. Well done. Congrats on your success, my dear.
Shalom,
Rochelle
No, if he used ugly words they came from his mind, not the surroundings. She’s better off without him.
Very true Liz.
This just dripped heartbreak from every word.
Thank you!
Loved the word pictures. Even the feelings had a compelling voice. Superb!
Thanks 😃
It just keeps getting better and better. So happy for you!
Thanks Dawn 😊
Words can be so damaging maybe the ugliness bought out his true self. Nicely done.
They can be. Thanks for reading.