Flash Fiction – Can’t you kiss it better?

clouds-above-the-trees

Image © Rochelle Wisoff-Field

 

Elsa dabbed the cotton wool against Edward’s leg. It came away crimson.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘It doesn’t look good.’ She reached into her case and pulled out a bandage.

‘Elsa! Why aren’t you eating your chips and why has Teddy got ketchup over his leg?’ Elsa’s mum swiped the bear and began to sponge his fur.

‘He ranned out in front of a car, Mummy, just like me.’

‘Let’s get you both cleaned up.’ Elsa’s mum’s knuckles bleached white as she gripped the handles of Elsa’s wheelchair and pushed her out of the kitchen.

She wouldn’t cry again. She’d run out of tears.

 

Yesterday I wrote a post on the 15 stages we go through when writing a first draft – no wonder writers are often exhausted! You can read the post here

‘Can’t you kiss it better?’ Was written for Friday Fictioneers. A weekly 100 word story challenge inspired by a photo prompt. Hop over to Rochelle’s blog for instructions on how to join in. 

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89 thoughts on “Flash Fiction – Can’t you kiss it better?

  1. A sad tale, although the girl seems to have come to terms with it better than her mum. Nicely done. Enjoyed your post on writing a first draft too – I’m stuck somewhere in the middle of it at the moment!

  2. Wow. Only after a re-read did I understand BOTH the ideas you have insinuated (there’s only 2 layers right? did I miss anything)
    Either way, so cleverly done!!

  3. Heartbreaking, Louise. And so believable, the way kids take something that’s happened to them and weave it into their imagination, make it part of their play. Absolutely spot on. Brilliant

  4. Play can help children work through some very serious things. I hope her mother can find something to help her work through the grief as well.

  5. I really enjoyed this although it also took me a few reads to get the gist of it, which intrigues me a bit because it was all there but I think I missed the reference to the Teddy Bear initially. Very well done.
    xx Rowena

  6. Shaking my head in wonderment, Louise. So well-constructed. Thought and effort pay off in BIG dividends, don’t they? Marvelous! Both Rochelle and I agree that flash fiction helped our writing so much we swear by the process.

    Five out of five drafts, first and second. 😉

  7. I too had to read it twice but then the story hit me like being hit with a cement block. So beautifully touching.

  8. Having read Sisters, I am wondering about you and folks being hit by a car! 😉 Touching story, especially tender and sad for the mother’s inevitable grief and the child’s innocence.

  9. What a story! Lot of kissing boo-boo’s and trying to make the little ones feel better around here this week. Totally there. Love the extra care to the bear. For a little one, it means all the world.

  10. Well done, a sad piece. As the mother has run out of tears I doubt the little girl is going to get better. A horrific case of one moment in time affecting a life forever.

  11. Beautifully written as always Louise. The accident, and the way both mother and daughter process it are nicely told. I didn’t need a second read to understand this, but i read it several times because i enjoyed it so much1

Constructive criticism appreciated

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