Image © Rochelle Wisoff-Field
Elsa dabbed the cotton wool against Edward’s leg. It came away crimson.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘It doesn’t look good.’ She reached into her case and pulled out a bandage.
‘Elsa! Why aren’t you eating your chips and why has Teddy got ketchup over his leg?’ Elsa’s mum swiped the bear and began to sponge his fur.
‘He ranned out in front of a car, Mummy, just like me.’
‘Let’s get you both cleaned up.’ Elsa’s mum’s knuckles bleached white as she gripped the handles of Elsa’s wheelchair and pushed her out of the kitchen.
She wouldn’t cry again. She’d run out of tears.
Yesterday I wrote a post on the 15 stages we go through when writing a first draft – no wonder writers are often exhausted! You can read the post here.
‘Can’t you kiss it better?’ Was written for Friday Fictioneers. A weekly 100 word story challenge inspired by a photo prompt. Hop over to Rochelle’s blog for instructions on how to join in.
Poignant. I like the two layers and the skillful way you wove them together.
Thanks Neil. Pleased it worked.
Wow I had to read this three times. I so envy flash fiction writers- I can’t do it at all!! Love it!
Thanks Katherine! It’s a very welcome break from novel writing.
It took me a few reads to figure this one out. When finally I got it, it was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. Great story.
Thanks Joseph. Glad it made sense in the end 😃
It is a sad story I have seen play out many times in many different ways in the course of ministry.
You aruse such strong emotions every time, Louise!
That should say ‘arouse’!
Can blame back to reality for the typo! Hope you had a lovely holiday. Pictures were stunning.
It was beautiful! Back to the cold and winter clothes now!
Third time through I connected all the dots. Great take.
Thanks – glad it made sense in the end.
A sad tale, although the girl seems to have come to terms with it better than her mum. Nicely done. Enjoyed your post on writing a first draft too – I’m stuck somewhere in the middle of it at the moment!
Thanks Iain. I’d forgotten how hard it is to write something new from scratch!
Dear Louise,
Once more you’ve constructed a well layered story. Sweet, sad and poignant. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle.
That is an amazing title, loved it, along with the story.
Thanks – tiles are never my strong point!
I read the story and then the title meant so much more. Great work. Poor kid. 😦
Thanks so much for reading.
Oh! This grabbed me by the throat. Well done!
Thanks Jane.
You hit home with me straight away. I agree with Neil about the layering. Very nicely done.
Thanks Michael.
Wow. Only after a re-read did I understand BOTH the ideas you have insinuated (there’s only 2 layers right? did I miss anything)
Either way, so cleverly done!!
Thanks so much for reading (twice),
Oh, these poor people. Great writing, there is so much in this short piece to think about, where it could go, what could happen…
I think she could have just broken her leg and be absolutely fine!
Well now I’m officially depressed.
Sorry about that James!
Ouch, Louise, this is great, but brutally painful.
Wasn’t very cheery was it!
That was heartbreaking, but wonderfully written. Excellent story, Louise.
Thanks!
This was oh-so beautifully done, Louise!
Thanks Dale 😃
Lovely. thank you.
Thank you Martin.
A pleasure.
Heartbreaking, Louise. And so believable, the way kids take something that’s happened to them and weave it into their imagination, make it part of their play. Absolutely spot on. Brilliant
Thanks Lynn. Kids are incredible!
Oh, they certainly are 🙂
Some things can’t be kissed better… But they can always be cuddled, discussed and accepted as they are.
They can. Thanks for reading!
Beautifully layered story. I think it would be hard as a mom to have a “broken child” and be unable to fix her.
Heart breaking.
I have to say that Elsa seems to cope quite well actually… maybe it’s the mother that’s in need of healing.
I think Children do. It’s the guilt that lingers with parents I think, no matter what we do!
A stunning piece of writing. It really tore at my heart.
Thank you Edith.
Play can help children work through some very serious things. I hope her mother can find something to help her work through the grief as well.
Me too Rommy. Thanks for reading.
I really enjoyed this although it also took me a few reads to get the gist of it, which intrigues me a bit because it was all there but I think I missed the reference to the Teddy Bear initially. Very well done.
xx Rowena
Thanks Rowena. I am glad you persevered with it x
So sad, this beautiful tale. Another good story from you.
Thanks 😃
A very sad tale. Hopefully Elsa’s stay in the wheelchair is temporary.
I think it is 😃
Shaking my head in wonderment, Louise. So well-constructed. Thought and effort pay off in BIG dividends, don’t they? Marvelous! Both Rochelle and I agree that flash fiction helped our writing so much we swear by the process.
Five out of five drafts, first and second. 😉
Ah thank you. Lovely to experiment with layering. Flash fiction rules!
You are correct! We love it!
This is heart-aching good.
Thanks Tamal.
I too had to read it twice but then the story hit me like being hit with a cement block. So beautifully touching.
Thanks very much.
Love the contrast between the mother’s grief (and guilt?) and the child’s relative insouciance.
Thanks so much Louise.
Having read Sisters, I am wondering about you and folks being hit by a car! 😉 Touching story, especially tender and sad for the mother’s inevitable grief and the child’s innocence.
Thanks Dawn. I wonder about me sometimes!
you did it again. never failed to amaze me. well done.
Thanks so much ! 😃
I love stories that demand a second read! This is so cleverly written.
My 100 words
Thanks Keith!
Beautifully crafted!
Thank you 😃
What a story! Lot of kissing boo-boo’s and trying to make the little ones feel better around here this week. Totally there. Love the extra care to the bear. For a little one, it means all the world.
Sounds like a hectic week. Thanks for reading.
Well done, a sad piece. As the mother has run out of tears I doubt the little girl is going to get better. A horrific case of one moment in time affecting a life forever.
Nooo! She will be fine 😃
Nicely assembled. multi dimensional. Thank you for the virtual escape.
Thanks so much for reading.
Beautifully written as always Louise. The accident, and the way both mother and daughter process it are nicely told. I didn’t need a second read to understand this, but i read it several times because i enjoyed it so much1
Ah that’s lovely – thank you!
It’s rough being a mom.
It can be! Thanks Dawn.
Oh oh oh! What a piece! Reality that is poignant and versatility that bears it with stoicism.
That last line echoed my state in certain times of my life!
Ah sending hugs 💕
Thank you!😍