Image © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
There’s nothing quite like the smell of hospitals, disinfectant mixed with decay; hand gel mingled with hope.
‘Open your eyes,’ I whisper.
It’s been a week since we crashed. I was driving and if you don’t recover, I’ll never forgive myself.
I rest my head on your chest, lulled by the rise and fall, but then there’s stillness.
You’re by my side now. We watch the nurses flock around your lifeless body.
‘Go back!’ I beg.
‘I don’t want to live in a world without you,’ you say.
You stretch out your hand and I link my fingers through yours. Together we walk towards the light.
It’s been a busy week editing The Gift but I’ve found editing a novel a little easier this time around thanks to all the best-selling authors who contributed to my blog post on editing. I’ve tried out most of the tips these past couple of weeks. You can read the post here.
This week’s 100 word story was difficult to pull off within the word count and I do hope it makes sense. Written for Friday Fictioneers. A weekly 100 words story challenge inspired by a photo prompt. Hop over to host Rochelle’s blog and read the other entries here.
fabricating fiction 
Heartbreaking but beautiful!!
Editing is a heavy task, I am happy you find it a little easier this time. Again, I can’t wait to see the final result!
Thanks Donna ❤️
This has a dream like quality,
Thanks Michael.
A great take on the prompt
Thank you Neil.
Dear Louise,
It makes perfect sense. Well done. Best wishes on the editing. I’m right there with you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. Happy editing to you!
Walk toward the light, and hope it’s not a train!
Ah editing. I actually like that part. Usually it takes me three full revisions before I rip out all the lame crap, and even then I don’t rip out enough. Every time I embark on it I can see why Maxwell Perkins and Gordon Lish are so famous, and I wish for one of them myself, since I no longer believe I can edit my own work as well as somebody else can.
Three revisions sounds great. I can’t seem to stop!
This took me a couple of read-throughs but they were worth it.
Thanks Dawn – I did wonder if it was clear.
Got to be honest and admit I didn’t get it. Has the feel of something which maybe needed another 50 words for slow coaches like me to catch up…lol.
Oh, no! It was clear as a bell – first read.
well, that was a different pov – the dead whispering to the survivor (almost) to go back to living.
I hope they get a nice dwelling place together in their Father’s house (not like Moishe and Geetel)
Randy
I’m sure they’ll be very happy. I hope so. It’s a bit late if not!
I was a bit confused in the beginning as to who said what, but after I reread it became clear. Lovely story, and full of love.
Thanks – I needed a double word count really!
Poignant! Good luck on the edit, I’m counting on you! My copy is preordered 🙂
Thanks so much Graham – very kind.
Even with my own distraction of watching my mother die amidst the smell of baby wipes, adult diapers and the sound of the oxygen machine, I got this after the first read and only read it again because it’s a stunning piece.
Hugs Alicia x
This is so beautiful, I am blown away!
Thanks Lore!
Tragic yet sweet!
Thanks. Eternal love and all that.
I got it the first time, possibly because I read a lot of near death experience books. It was extremely well written and I could picture the scene quite vividly.
Now, I’m off to read the editing tips.
Thanks! Hope you find the tips helpful.
Hauntingly beautiful. I loved the thought of the dead resting her head on his chest taking in the sign of life in the rise and fall of his chest. Intriguing.
Thank you!
Wow, this was chilling. So she was already dead when he died. Very well told.
Yes but they are together now 😘 Thanks for reading.
How can you doubt yourself? This was beautifully done. I love that it was the other way ’round form the usual. Was very clear and, having spent way too much time in hospitals, I was right there with the scents and sounds.
Thanks Dale. Much appreciated.
A moving piece. Love that last line.
Thanks Patrick.
A cheery little piece but well written. I don’t know if it’s sad they both die or good they’re together and on their way to the light.
I think it’s nice to be together!
i love it. one of your best.
Thanks so much.
This is so sad, yet not a parting maybe.. actually it might fit in our upcoming collaboration of short stories.
I think they stay together somewhere! What collaboration?
Touchingly sad story … beautifully told. I enjoyed it very much.
Good Luck with your editing task.
Isadora 😎
Thanks Isadora.
Beautifully written, Louise. A story of bedside hope switches to one of being reunited, told with subtlety and care. I realy liked the alliteration in the first para aswell, elegantly done.
Thanks so much. I think there’s something quite romantic about it.
I agree
I didn’t expect the ending – great twist. Well told.
Thank you Margaret.
Very beautifully (and cleverly) done
Thanks very much.
I thought the story made perfect sense, Louise. All the best on your latest book. 🙂 — Suzanne