#Flash Fiction – Together Forever

lamps

Image © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

 

There’s nothing quite like the smell of hospitals, disinfectant mixed with decay; hand gel mingled with hope.

‘Open your eyes,’ I whisper.

It’s been a week since we crashed. I was driving and if you don’t recover, I’ll never forgive myself.

I rest my head on your chest, lulled by the rise and fall, but then there’s stillness.

You’re by my side now. We watch the nurses flock around your lifeless body.

‘Go back!’ I beg.

‘I don’t want to live in a world without you,’ you say.

You stretch out your hand and I link my fingers through yours. Together we walk towards the light.

 

It’s been a busy week editing The Gift but I’ve found editing a novel a little easier this time around thanks to all the best-selling authors who contributed to my blog post on editing. I’ve tried out most of the tips these past couple of weeks. You can read the post here.

This week’s 100 word story was difficult to pull off within the word count and I do hope it makes sense. Written for Friday Fictioneers. A weekly 100 words story challenge inspired by a photo prompt. Hop over to host Rochelle’s blog and read the other entries here

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52 thoughts on “#Flash Fiction – Together Forever

  1. Heartbreaking but beautiful!!
    Editing is a heavy task, I am happy you find it a little easier this time. Again, I can’t wait to see the final result!

  2. Walk toward the light, and hope it’s not a train!
    Ah editing. I actually like that part. Usually it takes me three full revisions before I rip out all the lame crap, and even then I don’t rip out enough. Every time I embark on it I can see why Maxwell Perkins and Gordon Lish are so famous, and I wish for one of them myself, since I no longer believe I can edit my own work as well as somebody else can.

  3. Even with my own distraction of watching my mother die amidst the smell of baby wipes, adult diapers and the sound of the oxygen machine, I got this after the first read and only read it again because it’s a stunning piece.

  4. I got it the first time, possibly because I read a lot of near death experience books. It was extremely well written and I could picture the scene quite vividly.

    Now, I’m off to read the editing tips.

  5. Hauntingly beautiful. I loved the thought of the dead resting her head on his chest taking in the sign of life in the rise and fall of his chest. Intriguing.

  6. How can you doubt yourself? This was beautifully done. I love that it was the other way ’round form the usual. Was very clear and, having spent way too much time in hospitals, I was right there with the scents and sounds.

Constructive criticism appreciated

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