Image courtesy of Ceayr
This week I’ve written two stories for Friday Fictioneers from a his and hers point of view. I hope they both stand alone, but I’m posting them together.
Joy’s story
Joy eases off her wedding ring and tosses it into the water, before wiping her eyes and re-joining the party.
How could Ed give her a vacuum cleaner for her 50th birthday, in front of all their friends? Their kids are grown now and she should have known Ed’s promises they would travel would come to nothing. She is sick of waiting.
‘Give this to my husband.’ Joy pushes an envelope into the hands of a passing waiter. By the time Ed reads the goodbye letter she’ll be long gone. As she leaves, she doesn’t notice Ed push through the crowd waving an envelope of his own.
Ed’s Story
Ed pushes through the crowd, envelope in his hand. He’s lost sight of Joy and his stomach churns with nerves. He’d thought presenting her with a vacuum cleaner at her birthday party would be funny. It’s not her real gift, of course. He’s taking a 3 month career break to take his gorgeous wife around the world. Joy’s spent so long raising the kids she deserves to be spoiled. Only now he can’t find her to give her the tickets.
‘Sir?’ A waiter hands him an envelope. ‘Your wife asked me to give you this before she left.’
‘Left?’ Ed’s heart sinks. The joke’s on him.
It’s been a fabulous week. Apple invited me to their iBooks Author Event and Music Festival and as it was my first outing as a published writer it was all very exciting. We had a fabulous night which you can read about here if you wish to.
‘On Reflection’ was written for Friday Fictioneers. A weekly 100 word story challenge, inspired by photo prompts, hosted by Rochelle. Read the other entries over at her blog here.
fabricating fiction 
Oh I so felt she was too quick to act… Way too quick.
I think she’s been waiting for years!
Yes indeed… too long!
How well these stories work together, so we can see the story from both angles – very clever. I have empathy for them both. She might have seemed hasty, but no woman should be given a vacuum cleaner for her anniversary! I reckon he’ll catch up with her and make all right again. Great twin tales Louise. And glad you had such a super night out – it sounds very glamorous 🙂
It was an amazing night Lynn but feels like a distant memory already. I would not be happy with a vacuum!
Haha! Nope, though rather sadly, my husband bought me a box grater for Valentine’s Day one year and I was delighted with it. Which is sadder – him buying it or me loving it? 🙂
I thought it was funny giving her a vacuum cleaner, but I can see why she wouldn’t be too happy! Hopefully he catches up with her and explains the situation. Great idea doing it from both perspectives. Congratulations on your festival outing, I hope you enjoyed it! 🙂
Thanks Iain. Perhaps don’t give a vacuum for a gift…
I’ve got to wonder that if he didn’t know her well enough to know how she’d take the joke, they’re probably better off apart. Great idea, and I felt a surge of pity for him at the end there.
Me too but honestly – a vacuum!
I liked the double point of view
Thanks Neil.
I totally enjoyed the two POV’s. I enjoy writing stories that way and have neglected it. Congrats on all the new-author excitement. Immerse yourself in it.
Thanks Alicia. I liked trying the two POV – will definitely give it another go.
Cleverly done.
But they say there are three sides to every story, so all we need now is the waiter’s view.
Now you’ve got me thinking…
Surprises are a bad idea. They always seem to go wrong on TV and FF 🙂
Everything goes wrong on FF!
Oh no! This actually brought tears to my eyes! Nicely done as always. 🙂
Thanks very much.
I really hope they get together again.. a cruel joke maybe, I can easily see this as the beginning of a romantic comedy which of course will have a happy end…. it cannot end like this I think… it hurts to much.
You old romantic, you.
Dear Louise,
I’m not sure how to feel about this one. In some ways I feel sorry for Ed, Seriously, he needs to find her and make amends. Perhaps she was too quick to leave, but I see it from her point of view. Both stories a very well done. Love the two points of view. Ed needs some lessons about what’s appropriate humor.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. I think she’s waited a long time for some romance & adventure. Perhaps she’ll send him a postcard!
Thanks for the tip, I will put the vacuum back in the box.! 🙂
Or use it yourself 😃
Tell me it ain’t so – and after all those years, she doesn’t know his sense of humor? And for him, that she might be that sensitive? Methinks they’ve needed marriage counseling, or something is rotten in Denmark, or they have really not understood each other after all this time. Sad.
Randy
BTW I could use a vacuum cleaner if it’s still available….
Haha – she probably smashed him over the head with it!
I think many couples probably don’t understand each other?
Ooh noo! I fear he has grossly misread his wife’s state of mind. Cool reading the two points of view!
Thanks. Thought I’d try something new.
Reblogged this on EmmaTheLittleBookWorm and commented:
Another brilliant #FlashFiction from Louise Jensen @Fab_fiction
Crossed wires – how sad!
It happens!
Love how you tied these stories together. Extreme disappointment can cause one to act immediately and regret often times follow it. I hope amends can be made and both will be happy once again.
I’m sure it will work out for the best. Thanks for reading.
excellent take on the prompt. i truly enjoyed it. 🙂
Thank you!
Loved the combination of both stories. I think their problems reach much deeper, sad that they don’t know each other after all those years. Btw, I am in love with your book covers!
Thanks. Me too! I got so lucky with my designer.
with that envelope still in his hand, I can give him company to the trip. 😉
Nice and emotional
Haha – I could too! Thanks.
Ohh… And the title of my story coincides with yours.
I love these two points of view. I empathise with both of them. I do hope he catches up with her to tell her how he really feels, but I fear he’s left it too late!
I think it’s time to start again! Thanks.
There is more to the story than an unfortunate gift. I think her letter is the result of years of neglect. His action was too late. Interesting writing the same story from two perspectives.
It was a build up. Thanks for reading.
Oh–too bad! This reminds me of O. Henry’s story about the couple and the Christmas gifts. Sad and nicely told. I wonder if the tickets would have changed her mind, even if she’d gotten them.
I think I’d have gone on the trip! Thanks for reading.
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
Hehe – now I have to go and listen to guns and roses to hear that quote!
How heartrending. I hope he can catch up with her and explain. I wouldn’t have the heart to throw a wedding ring in a lake. It seems they don’t talk much as each knows so little about how the other thinks. So sad. Good writing., Louise. —- Suzanne
Thanks Suzanne. Perhaps he’ll dive in the lake and retrieve her ring!