Photo courtesy of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
It’s been a busy week but I’ve taken a sneaky ten minutes out from copy-editing to join in with this week’s challenge. If you’re interested about the life and writing habits of authors check out my new blog series ‘A day in the life of…’ which kicked off yesterday with best-selling thriller writer Robert Bryndza.
It was supposed to be perfect.
Our cottage snug and cosy. Days lazing in front of the river, water gushing, birds singing. Nights in front of the open fire, toasting marshmallows over the crackling flames.
But the water stank and rats scratched outside our bedroom window.
He was supposed to be perfect.
To love, honour and protect.
She was supposed to be perfect.
My loving and loyal sister.
But I knew.
The day was perfect.
A picnic for three on the river. Shame the boat capsized. Shame they couldn’t swim. They had more in common than they thought.
Now it’s just me.
Perfect.
Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt. Pop over to host Rochelle’s blog and read the other entries here.
fabricating fiction 
Dear Louise,
Well…perfect…until the bodies surface. Perfectly grisly story replete with sight, sound and smell. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle.
More in common than they thought…ahahahaa!
Perfect that it worked out so perfectly.
It did Adam (for her!)
Nice piece of black comedy, Louise. Perfect, in fact. 🙂
Lovely warm description at the start, grisly twist at the end. As others have already said, perfect. 🙂
Thanks.
I see a future when perfection will be wrecked… the ghosts, and thoughts… like the drowning in Therese Raquin… I still remember it… but for a moment, perfect (despite the rats)
I think she’ll move now! Thanks for reading.
well done! I guess the timing was perfect! 🙂
Perfect title too.
Perfect comment 🙂
Sometimes perfection needs a hand. Seems she knew just what to do. Nice story, Louise.
Thanks very much.
Oh boy!
A perfectly written tale.
Thank you 🙂
As long as everything is perfect! Nicely done, with just a perfect touch of creepy.
Thank you.
Love it. It was PERFECT! 🙂
Thanks very much!
But the water stank and rats scratched outside our bedroom window. This sentence sets the scene for the imperfect scenario that follows. Nicely done.
Thank you Alicia.
Delightful tale of happy families.
I enjoy a wee chuckle.
I am truly glade that she is not my sister.
Perfect. I love the poetic link of the imperfect..
I love that last word, but I will resist writing it here! A really clever rhythm to this piece.
Two murders in the first three FF stories! I like your notion of the revenge of a woman scorned.
And what, pray tell, did they expect? That she would be happy with the situation? Loved it
That she wouldn’t find out I think! Thanks Dale.
a perfect shame
Thanks Tracey.
What a grisly bunch we are. People goin’ in that river, left and right. Well crafted. 🙂
I know! Thanks for reading.
I just started my blog on flash fiction that are based on true life incidents….Would you be kind enough to check them out and give your feedback…..
Of course. Sorry I’ve only just seen this. I’ll check it out later.
I’ve just had a look and can’t see any English posts?
I will add some english posts soon..
I’ll look forward to reading them.
Thank you so much:)appreciate some feedbacks:)
I wonder if your narrator had a hand in the capsizing or if it was just “luck”? Great story!
Intense and scary. Thanks for the great story.
What is it with that river and murder I wonder? Great story, I love the progression, and the detail from cozy to bleak and cruel.
It is quite a dark week! Thanks.
How I love revenge in a tale. Well done.
Thanks 🙂
I love the use of ‘Perfect’ and the construction of the story. A very enjoyable read.
Thanks Graham.
“They had more in common than they thought.” Great line, and so true of most relationships.
Thanks Perry.
in this context, i didn’t realize “perfect” can be used to connotate many meanings. 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Perfect! Perfectly written. I like this!
Thank you.
Perfectly creepy. 🙂
Thanks David
This was great. The contrast between the ‘ideal’ and the ‘actual’ was really strong.I enjoyed the attack on the senses too: I tasted the marshmallows, smelled the stink of the water and heard the rats scratching outside the window!
Thanks Thom. That’s great feedback. Thanks for taking the time.
That just rocked! Great story, Louise. Makes for a realistic situation and makes me want to read more. Awesome!
Thanks so much. Umm and she lived happily ever after?
Your call.
Somehow, I think she’s not too sad about being alone. 🙂 Nice one, Louise. Nothing is quite ever perfect either when you expect it to be. It made me think of all the beautiful photos you see on the Internet and then you go and it’s like, ho hum.
Been there, done that Amy. It’s always better in my head 🙂
Perfect story.
Thank you.
Oh my …puts me in the mind of Zola. Humans are such tricky organisms.
We are! Thanks for reading.
jealousy or what? nice post
Thanks very much.
Nice rhythm in this one with the repetition! I wonder what the narrator “knew”…intriguing!
Thanks Emily. They were having an affair.
Ouuu, what an outcome…didn’t see that one coming. Love it!
And she’ll say if was an accident and people will believe her. That’s a perfect crime. Well done, Louise. — Suzanne
She hopes so! Thanks Suzanne.
Love! 😍
Thanks Helen.
My first thought at the sinking of the boat…OH, NO!… Then I read the ending and again I thought.. OH, NO!!!!
Thanks for reading Roger
It was impossible to see that ending coming, but it was perfect 🙂
Thanks for reading it 🙂