Photo courtesy of Emmy L Gant
I could have ran and ran with this one. I hope it makes some sort of sense as it stands!
Cold rain splattered into Jack’s eyes as he drank in the skyline. He loved this town.
He’d been coming up here since he was a boy. He’d sit cross-legged, tossing stale crusts to the pigeons wishing he were as free as them. It was a different world almost to the one he usually inhabited, where his Mum cried and his Dad clipped him round the ear almost every-time he saw him.
How did it all go so wrong? Jack wanted to make a difference. People would never forgive him and as he inched towards the edge and splayed out his arms, he wondered if it would feel like flying.
Written for Friday Fictioneers – A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt – read the other entries via host Rochelle’s blog here.
fabricating fiction 
You left me wanting to know what he could possibly have done that would warrant what he seems to be about to do. Lovely, Louise.
Thanks Sandra. I have his whole story in my head and think I’ll expand this out sometime.
Dear Louise,
They say it’s like flying until that abrupt stop at the bottom. Well layered and well written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. A horrible thought – that bit at the bottom.
Absolutely stirring…a feeling every soul has felt atleast once.nice piece Louise.
Thanks for reading.
Oh, what a tragedy…I don’t know why, but that bit “he loved this town” added so much sadness. Nicely done.
Thanks very much.
Such a sad tale. You build the elements leading to the last line very well, our emotions already moving towards compassion for the wee soul. Well written.
Thanks for providing such a great photo prompt 🙂
Who doesn’t want to be able to fly? Hopefully, he didn’t try. Great story!
Thanks Joy – I think he felt there was little choice.
Oh no! Sad. 😦
Hopefully he changed his mind, or his mum is going to cry even more. It will be interesting to see how the darkness in this photo prompt plays out.
Thanks Michael – his parents are long gone I think.
Another great piece of writing Louise. Would love to know what he’s done though 😀
Thanks Cheryl.
Grim yet vivid, you do this very well.
Well crafted, powerful tale.
(Not many laughs, though!)
Ah I did say I’d try funny didn’t I! Hmm maybe next week 🙂
Poor fellow.
Thanks for reading.
What a lovely yet sad story! I like that you leave the mystery there… Keeps me thinking about what could have happened.
Thanks very much Jessie.
Poor guy. Nicely written.
Thanks.
You have described his inner turmoil mixed with an appreication for life well. Nicely done.
Thanks!
Good first draft.
MG
Thank you.
There’s something great about the atmosphere of an old familiar town in the early morning which you’ve captured really well. Memories and regrets and sorrow. Nicely done, but I see you’re back to the dark side.
I know
I forgot to try funny.
Very dark and beautifully written. I wonder what has driven him so such despair?
That old guilt thing – thanks for reading 🙂
You always grab me so quickly, I can see, hear and feel within a few of your words, so I am a bit gutted that he has probably taken the plunge, but happy to hear you may run with this story :0) please do.
Thanks so much – that’s really kind.
This story made me think and wonder and feel sad for the character. Quite something in 100 words.
Thanks so much.
I felt like screaming “Stop!” at the end. Very well done.
Thanks Alicia.
So sad that he’s given up hope of making a difference or achieving any kind of happiness. He must be in tremendous pain. Would love to see an expanded version of this story.
Thanks Jan.
I’m scared to know what he did because my heart aches for him so.
Me too Dawn.
i hope he didn’t do what i thought he’d do and ended up like icarus.
He did.
Sad on many levels. His hopelessness is palpable.
Well done,
Tracey
Thanks Tracey.
Wow! So dramatic and so tragic. Excellently carved ending.
Thanks very much.
Lovely writing. It felt like I was beginning to get inside his head, and then possibly, he’s gone…
Thanks Claire.
This is so sad, but also so intriguing. It reminds me of a crime film I saw on (German) TV the other day about a horrible young man who committed heinous crimes–but his emotional turmoil was so well told we got into his head, and when he jumped off a building, viewers were sad despite his crimes. Whatever you do with this, it’s certainly worth exploring. Great writing.
Powerful! I love the opening paragraph. Deserves to be a longer piece!
Thanks very much.
I’d like to imagine he’s a base jumper and is wearing a wing suit for the first time. It makes for a much happier ending.
Base jumpers are terrifying aren’t they?
That was sad and unexpected. Nicely written, Louise. I definitely want to know what had happened to him to put him in this spot.
Thanks Amy. It’s one of those ‘all in my head’ things that I’d love to find the time to expand.
Yikes! Lots of good stuff intuit story, Louise. Makes me wish I could read more. Nice job!
That would be “in that”, not intuit. I like proofreading after I send.
Ialwaysproofreadtoo
Heeeee-heeeee!!
Thanks.
Oh a life’s story in a nutshell.. Somehow I hope he decides against jumping…
So sad! He wanted to make a difference, and now he’s giving up. I feel his disappointment. Well told.
Thank you Margaret.
Poor man. He’s depressed because of his troubled upbringing and needs help. I hope he doesn’t actually jump. A person that depressed is their own worst enemy. Well done, Louise. —- Suzanne
They are indeed Suzanne. Thanks for reading.
Great work Louise, a very moving story that raises many questions about the boy’s life.
I loved the contrast between “he loved this town” and the tragic ending.
Thanks very much.
Well done, Louise, and very sad. I will be wanting to read the expanded version when you write it.
Thanks Lynda.