Photo courtesy of Amy Reese.
The stench in the van is unbearable; sweat, diesel, fear. It’s dark in the back and I strain my ears – a clock chimes eight – where are we?
My body shakes as we dip in and out of potholes. Cold metal presses against my spine and as we take a hard left, my teeth clamp together and blood pours from my tongue. It takes every ounce of self-control not to cry. I don’t want to make him angry.
The van judders and slows. Doors swing open and I’m blinking in the sunlight.
My first day as a builder’s mate. I want to go back to school.
Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt. Pop over to Rochelle’s blog and read the other entries.
fabricating fiction 
Love this! Very well executed!
Much appreciated Shyla.
I sighed with relief… maybe after a few years you can be upgraded to an actual seat… 🙂
You must have been in a Reliant Robin van!
Yep. This time next year I’ll be a millionaire…
I love your choice of strong words like stench. I was imagining worse so I’m almost pleased it was his first day at work … 🙂
With many years ahead of him. Thanks for reading Graham.
What a delightful ending! I was worried. Very well done indeed.
Thanks Alicia.
Oh well done… you had me there! That’s a mega piece of misdirection. 🙂
the first five lines gave me the chills! 🙂
Wonderful as always 🙂
Thanks very much 🙂
Loved the first three paragraphs. Not sure about the ending. You could see we were probably heading for a misdirection. It’s a fun twist but the description leading up to it was the star of the piece.
Ah well. I felt like something fun this week. Thanks for reading anyway Paul.
Such a good twist, which I absolutely didn’t see coming. I feel slightly used.
That’s a good sign! Thanks Simon.
Dear Louise,
I hope the next day on the job is better. Fun twist at the end. For a moment I thought it might be the companion piece for mine. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
There’s no love or feelings of attachment here! Thanks Rochelle.
Wondered where you were going with that. Liked what you did!
DJ
Thank you Danny.
Great twist and a very good description of a recent school-leaver suddenly thrust into the outside world of work and responsibility 🙂
Great twist and the kid has already learned the biggest lesson of his life.
just a builder’s mate? what a relief! i thought it’s about someone else.
Thanks
I didn’t expect the twist, and that was a happy twist. 😀 Nicely done.
Thanks so much.
LOL. You had me fooled totally Louise. An unexpected twist and I had to grin, pleased that it wasn’t going to end the way I had expected. Well done.
Thanks very much Irene.
Tease! In the end I loughed out loud. Great take on the prompt.
Thanks very much.
We’re all falling for this – what a relief that ending is!
I’m so pleased. Thank you.
Very cleverly built tension, with a laugh at the end.
Thanks 🙂
Wow that is one tough start to a day.
I am so glad it didn’t end the way I imagined.
Great story.
Thanks so much.
Tension buildup and *snort!
Thanks Dale 🙂
Like most of the readers, I was taken in an entirely alternative direction… clearly the sign of deft writing and sharp tension. Nicely done, Louise; you had me!
Thanks Dawn.
I loved how you turned this around at the end. Get that kid back on the school bus pronto.
They have to grow up so fast. Thanks Margaret.
You scared me for a moment I thought she was a kidnapped victim.
You fooled me! Great execution, Louise. I thought something pretty horrible was going to happen there.
Thanks. It was a great photo!
Great twist at the end, Louise. I was afraid of where they were headed and relieved it was only a first day at work. Well done with a good description that made it real. 🙂 — Suzanne
Thanks Suzanne. I still remember my first day (many, many years ago)!