Photo courtesy of C.E. Ayr
My heart pounds in my ears but I can still hear his footsteps behind me. The smell of fried onions hangs in the night air, even though the burger van has long gone. The streets are deserted. What does he want? Alcohol churns in my stomach and I stumble, kick off my heels, and run. He’s getting closer.
My bare feet slap against the wet pavement. I don’t see the broken glass but the shards slice into my flesh. I fall. Scream. There’s a hand on my shoulder. Hot breath against my neck.
‘Miss? You left your purse in the club.’
Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt. Read the other entries here.
fabricating fiction 
Eeek!
Nicely built scare story, well done.
Thanks very much. Great photo 🙂
Good stuff.
Thank you.
Phew!
And breathe…
Thanks for reading.
Nicely done!
Thanks Mike.
Dear Louise,
Sight, sound and scent had me from the first word to the last. I found myself holding my breath until the end when I exhaled with laughter. Very well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I really appreciate that Rochelle – thanks 🙂
OK, heart rate is up, eyes wide open, deep breathing is underway. Thanks for getting me ready to face the day. I think I’ll leave my shoes on while I shower.
Best be prepared! Thanks for reading.
Wow, this was intense. You built it so strongly, the twist in the end was a welcoming relief.
Thanks Lore.
Is the fear of fear worse than the fear itself?
Good piece.
It is. It’s often not as bad as we think. Thanks for reading.
The last line was a great relief. I was starting to shiver by the time she cut her feet.
(Why the fuck didn’t he say something earlier?) Really well done.
He’s too unfit to run and shout out at the same time! Thanks for reading Patrick.
So neat as always – with an element of surprise!
Thanks Andrew – I’d hate to be predictable 🙂
HA HA… sounds like something I would do! Great story! 🙂
Thanks for reading Courtney.
So much suspicion in this world. We even run a mile from a good Samaritan!
We do. Better to be safe than sorry I guess. Thanks for commenting.
Ha! Fabulous last line that lightened the mood perfectly.
Thanks Alicia – it wasn’t always going to be light but I ran out of words!
Excellent! Such a nice (and for once) positive surprise twist!
I think this photo will spawn some quite dark stories this week. Thanks for reading Graham.
Think so too. Truly excellent photo prompt though isn’t it?!
It is – lots of possibilities.
Had me hooked from the start and what a great twist. There really are some good Samaritans out there.
It restores your faith in human nature when someone does something kind. Thanks for reading.
You created such excellent tension in this piece, enjoyed it very much.
Thanks so much 🙂
I hate when that happens. Good tension.
Thinking you’re about to be brutally murdered? Thanks for reading Tracey.
Paranoia will destroya!
Tee hee. Thanks Dawn.
Boo. Boo. Boo.
Kill him for not yelling, Miss, you left you’re purse!
i didn’t get too involved in the story now- did I?
Ha!
Randy
Now THAT would be a twist! Thanks Randy.
Geez, and all the guy wanted to do was return her purse. Glad it turned out better than I first thought it would. 🙂
Nice to end on a light note. Thanks for reading Deborah.
Brilliantly written.
Thanks so much – really appreciated 🙂
Very nice build up. At least now she has her purse back she can phone for a taxi to take her to A&E to get her foot patched up 🙂
Haha. Yes I suppose she’ll have to! Thanks Ali.
The tension built nicely and a nice twist at the end.
Thanks Irene.
The buildup was too good. The end was such a relief.
Wow, wow, wow! I did not expect that last line! Wow! This is magnificent! I love it! Thank you.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Matthew. I really appreciate it.
Are we a society becoming paranoid of everything and everyone? I hope not! Especially since good Samaritans still exist.
They do. I love pay it forward stories. Thanks for reading.
I literally released a breath at the end, lol. Great job 🙂
Thanks Helen.
Haha! That is not how I thought it was going to end. Good story 🙂
Thanks very much for reading.
what a pleasant surprise. what now? invite him for a drink? 🙂
Kick him for scaring her? Thanks.
Love the good end, I hope she get help to the hospital
Me too. Thanks Bjorn.
That was fabulously done! I found myself holding my breath till the end!
Loved how you brought in the senses! Well done.
Thanks very much Sheila.
This was such a sweet piece of work
I read another story before yours which was exactly the same plot/twist but that story did not drag me to the pavement where the “smell of fried onions hung in the air”. Reading a similar story before yet coming out with a wow on this – that’s the highest compliment I can make 🙂
Ouch! I cringed as the glass sliced into her flesh. Well drawn picture.
Thanks Liz.
I was really scared for her there. Great build-up of suspense. And I love the positive twist in the end.
Thanks so much.
How frightening, Louise. I feel like she’s reliving a traumatic event in her life. I was happy it wasn’t real. Nice job.
Thanks Amy.
I’ve read a few of these FF stories where men are chasing women to give them back either their shoe or (in your case) a purse. But your story is different in the other senses you engage–smell, touch. Excellent!
Thanks very much Lorna.
The sounds and smells were very evocative in this piece. I loved the use of the onions and the burger can to sum up the after-club atmosphere. And what a great twist at the end – a nice upbeat change to many dark tales this week (mine included!)
Thanks so much – I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Not what I was expecting in the dark alley! Well done!
Thanks very much.
Great build-up and then release with the unexpectded turnabout at the end. Love the descriptions.
Thanks for reading Margaret.