The bell tinkles – a customer.
You flick through old books, turn plates upside down.
My stomach twists as you spot the tarnished mirror.
I scream at you to leave. I scream until my ears ring and my throat burns but it’s too late.
You apply lipstick in the streaked glass and smack your lips together once, twice.
I stand shoulder to shoulder with your bewildered reflection. We watch through the glass as you walk towards the door, patting your handbag as if reassuring yourself you haven’t left anything behind. You won’t realise what’s missing. Not yet.
‘Come,’ I say to the mirror you. ‘Come and meet the rest of us.’
Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt.
My inspiration this week came from the metal ornament. I wondered what it would be like to be frozen in time, unable to communicate with those in front of you.
The first draft of this story originally stood at 236 words. It was a hard one to cut. I hope it still makes sense.
fabricating fiction 
Yes, it still makes sense.
That’s a relief – thanks!
Good little piece — enjoyed.
Ooh, creepy. I like that.
Thanks Keith.
Very cool 🙂
An great job at trimming from 236 words. I felt you managed to convey feeling and atmosphere excellently. The ending I thought was also brilliantly menacing.
Thanks very much. My husband didn’t understand it so I was a bit worried!
I truly liked it. Well done trimming it down. Lucy
Thanks Lucy.
If it made sense to me it will make sense to everybody! I liked it – a lot!
Rosey Pinkerton’s blog
Thanks Rosey!
The scariness of such a mirror.. and you know that it will just continue to snatch up souls
It will certainly try. Thanks for reading.
Creepy! I wonder what happens to the part of the person which is left out in the “real” world?
That’s a whole other story ……..
I got it the second time (cos I am slow like that), deliciously creepy.
Thanks. I think more words would have helped this one.
Chilling, Louise. I sensed where it was going, but you took us there so beautifully, I lost my senses. 😉
Thanks Dawn.
A creepy reflection on lost souls.
Maybe that’s where the missing socks go too.
I like it, a lot.
T
I wish I knew where the missing socks go Tracey!
What a fascinating concept to be frozen in time, Louise. This one is worth expanding in my book. Well done!
Thanks Amy. I didn’t keep the original but I may have a play with it.
I’d like to read it. I think it’s a great idea.
I had to re-read to get it fully. But it was worth re-reading….Atleast the mirror-you has other firendly souls to keep company. Nicely done.
Thanks very much I appreciate the reread 🙂
Envying your mad editing skills. What’s left is wonderfully creepy.
it must be tough indeed not being able to communicate with anyone. it’s like being in a coma. you’re helplessly aware of what’s going on but those around you are not aware that you are.
It would be so frustrating. Thanks for reading.
OOOO…that was spooky fun 🙂
Thanks Dawn.
Wow, you cut it down from 236 to 100? You should post the original. I’m curious how it would be different. I know how hard it is to decide what to cut. I like this story. Well done.
-David
I wish I had kept the original David. I think I may expand on this one some more. Thanks for reading.
That’s an original take on the prompt. Very atmospheric. Very creepy.
Thanks very much Margaret.
I love this, it had me “ooooh!?” in the end, and that’s a sign that this can be the seed of many great stories, at least in my book. Creepy and mysterious, and I think that’s the miracle of flash fiction at its best. I admire your cutting it down–and I bet the cutting made it better as a stand-alone, even if it doesn’t tell us all the details. You could go anywhere from there.
Thanks so much. I usually end up with 115 ish words so not too much to trim. This was a toughie.
Great job editing! I think it’s perfect just the way it is.
Thanks Jan.
Something like that has the potential to be a phenomenal short story.
Thanks. Watch this space ….
A very creepy story. Well done editing it down – its never easy getting rid of that many words!
It wasn’t – thanks.
Mirrors do have that quality. Very creepy, but also kind of homely. I love the last line!
Thanks so much.
Wow, I felt so many vibes just with your story. You have captured an essential time. Thank you!
Thanks very much Matthew.
My brain automatically imagined it was her soul she left behind, gave it a dark and edgy feel. I loved It.
Thanks very much Sarah.
Dear Louise,
I’ll admit to being a bit confused until I read through the comments and then went back and read it again. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. I could have perhaps done two parts to this and made it clearer.
Mirrors are sneaky at the best of times, the way they steal your reflection for a lifetime and show you your face as a reversal of what everyone else sees, unless those people are looking in the same mirror at the same moment as you. Now it seems, they’re up to real high jinxes stealing more than just reflections.
A fabulous take on the photo prompt. Well written.
PS There might be a small proof error in the dialogue tag of the last sentence, or maybe I’m not quite getting something. Do you want the word “you” and the word “mirror”?
Hi Sarah, thanks for the read and comment. The mirror you was supposed to be another way of saying reflection without duplicating reflection again. Mirrors are sneaky!
I loved this. Genuinely creepy (leaving part of you trapped in the mirror – soul perhaps? shudder), and I’m not easily creeped. I think what gives me the shivers is the idea that these people might be here forever – immortality is terrifying if you think about it.
Great stuff.
Thanks very much. I do find some mirrors creepy – you never know what’s lurking inside.
This is a great story with a wonderfully creepy vibe. I immediately had two thoughts: 1) how helpless the soul trapped in the mirror must feel watching “itself” walk away and 2) at what point does the “self” realize what is missing and what happens then? Very well done and I would love to see this expanded into a longer story 🙂
Thanks Amie. I have been thinking about point 2 a lot.
Great story and I agree it could be expanded into a longer piece. A whole world of trapped souls within the mirror.
Thanks Irene.