One, two,
I watch as you process my words. Your eyes widen and jaw slackens. Sweat beads on your brow.
three, four,
You slowly back away, head shaking from side to side.
five, six,
Your chest heaves, shoulders quake as fear restrict lungs that gasp for pine scented air.
seven, eight,
Your eyes dart wildly around as you desperately try to remember which way the road is. Which way safety lies. Even if you knew, you wouldn’t make it, but it will be fun to watch you try.
You pivot and run through the trees.
nine, ten.
Coming ready or not.
Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt. Read the other entries here.
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Ah, an anticipated mugging or murder….turns into an innocent game. 🙂
Or does it ……
Ha – loved it. A creepy criminal minds episode:)
Thanks!
Scary voice there. Well done.
Thanks. That was the plan.
Marvelous approach ratcheting up the tension. By the time I got through, I was ready to run and hide myself!
Thanks very much Karen.
Very clever take on the prompt. And I agree with wildbilbo, it also reminds me of a criminal minds episode.
Thanks Francesca.
An innocent childhood game, or a wicked sadist taunting his victim? I’m going for door number 2 heh heh!
Either way, great tension build-up with the numbers 🙂
Thanks Ali. I think number 2!
Ooh, a very scary hide-and-seek. The pursuer/stalker/murderer seeing it as a game makes it so much scarier.
He is rather creepy. Thanks.
one of the cut scenes in 50 shades of grey? i guess i have a very wild imagination. 🙂
Tee hee. I hadn’t thought of that!
This could either be innocent or Martin Scorcese depending what mood you’re in. Love the rhythm of the numbers.
Thanks Susannah. I was channeling Scorcese I think!
I think so too and there’s nothing wrong with that 🙂
The numbers/counting adds volumes to this piece. Well done.
Thanks Alicia.
Very suspenseful, and the rhythm created by counting is perfect!!!
I agree that this could be the beginning of a Criminal Minds episode ☺️😳😄
Thank you Jan.
Good job of raising the tension level with every couple of numbers counted! Horribly well done.
janet
Thanks Janet.
Excellent job here. Well done.
Thanks Sandra.
Dear Louise,
I enjoyed the feeling of tip-toeing with your main character along the edge of insanity. Very well written.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks Doug.
Dear Louise,
Why did I suddenly have a mental flash of Jack Nicholson in The Shining? Great build of tension. Something tells me this isn’t just a friendly game of Hide and Seek.
Shalom,
Rochelle
What a great character he was. Thanks Rochelle.
hrm. Anyone for hide and seek? The question is, what are the stakes!!
Only one player survives …..
Real nightmare quality – a horrible cat and mouse game.
Well done!
Thanks!
Ouch.. somehow a mind that like a little game before the kill ..really creepy.
Thanks Bjorn
I’m going out on a limb – we played serious hide and seek as kids. When I was 5 or 6 years old, I would have felt that kind of panic, uncertainty and fear of getting caught by my older friends and sister. Run, Tracey, Run.
Ah that’s really sweet Tracey. I hope you won sometimes!
Scary stuff – I enjoyed the way it was structured. It helped build the tension!
Thanks very much Erin.
I like the rhythm and the man-hunt. Pretty serious topic for a micro-flash. Well done.
Thanks Dave. I write the first thing that comes to mind.
Hopefully not; I’d write a lot of boobies and food.
Chilling! Very good!
Thanks very much.
The tension in that piece was terrific! Well done.
Thanks Liz.