‘There’s cash missing from my bag.’
‘It wasn’t me.’
‘Roll up your sleeves.’
‘Mum, no. Why can’t you trust me?’
‘Trust? I trusted you while you looked me in the eye and promised you hadn’t touch my purse. I trusted you as you helped me look for jewellery I couldn’t find. I trusted you when you held my hand in the doctors, I was terrified I was losing my mind.’
‘But I’ve changed, I really have.’ Her cheeks were wet.
‘Then show me your arms.’ I clenched my jaw so tightly pain pulsed in my forehead.
She pushed up her sleeves and I closed my eyes.
Week three in bed with the flu. I missed everyone’s entries last week, including my own. I couldn’t miss another Friday Fictioneers though. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt. Read the other entries here.
I love an open ending! Can she be trusted? Has she changed? Great to see you back and sorry to hear you’ve been unwell. Nothing worse than lying in bed sick and not being able to write. Get well soon!
I think she can’t be trusted but then I’m sick and grumpy! Thanks Jessie.
The short dialogue tells a lot of story. Well done. Sending you get well wishes.
I like it. When I saw the tracks I thought about the people who live near them. Looks like you did, too! Nice work.
I thought about track marks on a junkie’s arm. I love how we all see different things in the prompts.
Oh I think that trust has to be regained.. and I think there is a long way till there once again is trust.
Me too. A hard thing to repair.
At the first read I thought this was written from the POV of the daughter, though I think that was just me. It’s an effective rendition of an all too familiar problem, and the heartache comes through in your words. In the sentence “I trusted you when you held my hand in the doctors, terrified I was losing my mind” it sounds as though the daughter was the one that was terrified she was losing her mind. I think the detached clause is misleading. Good story though, and I’m sorry it’s taking you so long to get over your flu – it can be so debilitating.
Thanks Sandra. Yes I did originally have ‘I was terrified I was losing my mind,’ but it pushed me over the word count. I’ll put it back and hope no-one counts! Thanks for the well wishes.
Fantastic dialogue. I don’t think there’s going to be a good outcome. Sorry to hear that you’ve been ill – hope you feel better soon!
Me neither. Thanks Claire.
The emotion comes through, and hits close to home. Well done.
So much packed in this story. Addiction, trust, love, disappointment, despair…Heavy punch in every line, so well done.
Sorry to hear you are under the weather, hope you get well soon, sending you all the positive energy I can depart with. 😉
Thanks so much – I’ll take what I can get!
I hope you feel better soon
Thanks very much Dan.
What a frustratingly wonderful ending! REALLY great tension developed in such a small space.
OH! Has she stopped? Or not? Love the question mark left in the reader’s mind. Get well quickly, dear. Alicia
What is she hiding? Or is she? We can only guess.
I suspect she is still an addict.
That is the sense I got from reading.
Dear Louise, Excellent story! I wonder if she really has changed her ways. People never really change without a “life altering incident” I think anyway. Good job! Nan 🙂
Thanks Nan. I don’t think she’s quite there yet.
Emotion packed piece. Have to say I lost track slightly at the end, has just assumed the POV was the accused, but on a second read it was the accuser.
I needed more words I think. Thanks Paul.
I hope you’re feeling better soon. And I hope that kid learns not to steal soon too!
I loved this interpretation of the photo prompt and the word ‘tracks.’ Great story, so sad.
I hope you feel better soon!!
Very nice tension building. Get well soon.
Thank you Honie.
First things first! I hope you get well sooner than soon. I was sick (not with flu) for over a month before finally kicking my cough and scratchy voice and all sorts of things are going around. Secondly, I love the title. Thirdly, I love your portrayal of tough (and necessary) love as well as the open ending. Excellent!
Thanks very much Janet. I really appreciate your comments.
Wow, an intense little story! I like the open ending (I always enjoy it when writers do that).
Get well soon
Thanks very much.
Good use of the prompt! Hope you feel better soon.
Thank you Dawn.
There’s a lot of it about. The flu, that is – I’ve been on antibiotics too. It really does cramp one’s writing style, doesn’t it? WElcome back.
It does indeed Liz. Thanks.
Great little cameo. So much sorrow in these circumstances. Well written.
Thank you Patrick.
the kid needs some tough love. get well soon!
Oy. My head hurt just thinking about what might be up that sleeve. Good tight tale.
I hope you get well soon, Louise! Meanwhile, the flu doesn’t appear to affect your creative writing :-). I love the dialogue, the ending of your story, and even the title!
Thanks so much Jan.
A terrible situation for a parent to find themselves in. I’m guessing that when she opens her eyes, she’ll see the money.
On another note, hope you get better soon 🙂
…hadn’t touch(ed) my purse…I think.
Wonderful story, especially the closed eyes in the last line. She needs to know but can’t bear to see. Shades of Captain Jack. Very well done.
difficult to rebuild trust, sorry for her
It is indeed. Thanks.
Heartbreaking. I feel for both these people.
This is very well written – a beautiful demonstration of broken trust. Trust can be like toughened glass – incredibly strong and resistant to pressure- but once its defeated it shatters, never to be repaired.
That’s a great way of putting it. Thanks KT.
Such a sad story and one I have seen repeated too many times in my life.
That’s sad Joseph. Thanks for commenting.
It is a sad thing. One of the harder parts of my job I am afraid.
Great story this week, Louise.
Hope everyone in your household will be feeling better soon.
All my best,
Thanks MG. Thankfully it’s just me.
Louise, raw, powerful and leaves me hanging… in a brilliant way!
How you got your story in first, with the flu!! You deserve a gold star for writing and effort!
Thanks so much. I think the medication helps!
Great writing, hope you’re feeling better!
Thanks very much.
Loved this from the title which immediately brought to mind Smokey Robinson’s song of the same name. From there you took me into the world of the junkie and the trust that is lost as a result and then you kept us hanging – was she clean or not. Great.
Thanks so much. I had that song in mind also.
Just hopping around to read a few entries. I’m a newbie.
Enjoyed your interpretation of the photo. Very nice …
There’s a lot of tension and emotion in those 100 words. Nicely written. Allow yourself time to heal; doctor’s orders!
Great dialogue and a very powerful story. Hope you are feeling better now 🙂
I take it she was using, so let loose. Effective voice. Well done! So sorry you’re sick. Hope you get well soon.
Thanks very much Amy.
A wonderful story with great dialogue, Louise. The subject matter is both moving and disturbing. Needle marks/tracks on an addicts arms trigger sadness, as does the broken trust. An interesting interpretation of the prompt . 🙂
Thanks Millie. It was the first thing I thought of.
And tell them nothing!
It took me a while to figure out the point of view on this but no matter, it’s a great story, with a cliffhanger ending. Did the mother close her eyes before or after the daughter rolled up her sleeves? ‘Tracks’ is used to good advantage, with two and more meanings. 🙂
Thanks very much.
The repetition of times when she trusted her daughter creates superb tension, and the closing of her eyes before the outcome is revealed is a masterful touch. Great writing.
Thanks Margaret. Much appreciated.
Great ending leaves the reader guessing. Nicely done, hope you have recovered by now.
Thanks very much.
How long can she trust like this? Nicely done! Get well soon. 🙂
Thanks very much Vinitha.