Flash Fiction – The tracks of my tears

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‘There’s cash missing from my bag.’

‘It wasn’t me.’

‘Roll up your sleeves.’

‘Mum, no. Why can’t you trust me?’

‘Trust? I trusted you while you looked me in the eye and promised you hadn’t touch my purse. I trusted you as you helped me look for jewellery I couldn’t find. I trusted you when you held my hand in the doctors, I was terrified I was losing my mind.’

‘But I’ve changed, I really have.’ Her cheeks were wet.

‘Then show me your arms.’  I clenched my jaw so tightly pain pulsed in my forehead.

She pushed up her sleeves and I closed my eyes.

 

Week three in bed with the flu. I missed everyone’s entries last week, including my own. I couldn’t miss another Friday Fictioneers though. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt. Read the other entries here.

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90 thoughts on “Flash Fiction – The tracks of my tears

  1. I love an open ending! Can she be trusted? Has she changed? Great to see you back and sorry to hear you’ve been unwell. Nothing worse than lying in bed sick and not being able to write. Get well soon!

  2. At the first read I thought this was written from the POV of the daughter, though I think that was just me. It’s an effective rendition of an all too familiar problem, and the heartache comes through in your words. In the sentence “I trusted you when you held my hand in the doctors, terrified I was losing my mind” it sounds as though the daughter was the one that was terrified she was losing her mind. I think the detached clause is misleading. Good story though, and I’m sorry it’s taking you so long to get over your flu – it can be so debilitating.

  3. Dear Louise, Excellent story! I wonder if she really has changed her ways. People never really change without a “life altering incident” I think anyway. Good job! Nan 🙂

  4. First things first! I hope you get well sooner than soon. I was sick (not with flu) for over a month before finally kicking my cough and scratchy voice and all sorts of things are going around. Secondly, I love the title. Thirdly, I love your portrayal of tough (and necessary) love as well as the open ending. Excellent!

    janet

  5. I hope you get well soon, Louise! Meanwhile, the flu doesn’t appear to affect your creative writing :-). I love the dialogue, the ending of your story, and even the title!

  6. A terrible situation for a parent to find themselves in. I’m guessing that when she opens her eyes, she’ll see the money.
    On another note, hope you get better soon 🙂

  7. Dear Louise,

    …hadn’t touch(ed) my purse…I think.

    Wonderful story, especially the closed eyes in the last line. She needs to know but can’t bear to see. Shades of Captain Jack. Very well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  8. This is very well written – a beautiful demonstration of broken trust. Trust can be like toughened glass – incredibly strong and resistant to pressure- but once its defeated it shatters, never to be repaired.
    Great work.
    KT

  9. A wonderful story with great dialogue, Louise. The subject matter is both moving and disturbing. Needle marks/tracks on an addicts arms trigger sadness, as does the broken trust. An interesting interpretation of the prompt . 🙂

  10. It took me a while to figure out the point of view on this but no matter, it’s a great story, with a cliffhanger ending. Did the mother close her eyes before or after the daughter rolled up her sleeves? ‘Tracks’ is used to good advantage, with two and more meanings. 🙂

  11. The repetition of times when she trusted her daughter creates superb tension, and the closing of her eyes before the outcome is revealed is a masterful touch. Great writing.

Constructive criticism appreciated

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