Flash Fiction – If you loved me

claire-fuller-7

You tug pristine shirts from hangers and crumple them into a case.

‘Please don’t go.’ I hear the tremor in my voice.

‘I don’t want to.’ You sit on the bed and run your thumb over my cheekbone.  ‘I want you, I want us. I’m just not ready for this.’ You gesture towards my stomach.

‘I’m tired of fighting.’

‘Me too.’ You kiss the top of my head. ‘Shall I make the appointment?’

‘No. Don’t.’ My words are loud and clear.

Your eyes lock onto mine. I blink back unshed tears and dig my nails into my palms as I watch you leave.

Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt. Read the other entries here

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68 thoughts on “Flash Fiction – If you loved me

  1. I thought this was very powerful. I was seething that he took her ‘me too’ as agreement for the deed. To get the reader’s dander up in 100 words is pretty good going, I think.

  2. Louise,
    This is an exceptionally well-written flash. Good work. You packed a lot into the story, made it clear what the argument involves, all without being overly explicit.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  3. My Mum always said it’s a good actor who can make you hate them. It’s a good writer who can awaken your anger and make you hate the “bad guy” — you did this beautifully, Louise.

  4. “Shall I make the appointment”?
    Ugh — made me want to slap the guy. It’s doubtful that she feels lucky – but how lucky she is to be rid of him. Well-written — very well-written.

  5. Dear Louise,

    A fabulous piece of writing. All I wanted to say was ‘Don’t let the screen door hit you on the way out.’ What is it with men who want the fun but not the work. Someone once told me that you pay for your thrills. He needs to man up and pay the piper. Well told tale.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  6. Sharp, edgy, vivid story telling. I really felt this story. Great job!

    There have been a few pregnancy stories this week… I’m curious: what in the prompt took you there? I’m intrigued. Again excellent story this week!

  7. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is destruction.” I’d say he destructed and destroyed everything in his path because of his selfishness. Bravo!

Constructive criticism appreciated

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