Jack shivered on the bench as he held out his cap to the horde of people alighting from the ferry.
‘Spare change?’
He covered his legs with a threadbare blanket. It may as well have been an invisibility cloak.
He coughed, producing a hacking sound that vibrated around the harbour. His shoulders shook beneath his matted grey hair. His lungs rattled as he struggled to breathe.
‘Please.’ He stretched out a hand, his fingernails were caked in dirt. ‘I was like you once.’
He watched as a man threw a virtually uneaten hamburger into the bin.
‘I was like you once,’ he whispered.
Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt. Read the other entries here.
fabricating fiction 
This reminds me of a Hindi poet Nirala.
Excellent take.
Thanks very much.
Not bad.
Thanks for reading.
This hurts.. how deep can one fall I wonder.. it’s hard to pass a beggar I think. to see yourself in a beggar’s eyes would be quite good.
Many do pass by. There for the grace of God.
This is a disturbingly powerful use of 100 words.
Thanks Dawn.
So sad. I hope this encourages people to give more (Informal taxation – redistributing from rich to the poor).
That would be wonderful.
There but for the grace of God etc 🙂
It could happen to any of us.
I absolutely love flash fiction…and this is a great piece. i really enjoyed it. If you get bored you should check out some of mine… would love some feedback! http://heytherefatboy.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/for-an-hour-a-flash-fiction-story/
Thanks Ryan. Next time I’m on my laptop I will check it out.
Thanks!
We learn to pass by, but how much might we see if we stopped and really looked. You captured that, and his despair well in this short piece. Nice one
Thanks very much. We see what we want to I guess.
You present a very powerful message. I like the simplicity of the line describing the blanket in particular: “It may as well have been an invisibility cloak.” The matter-of-fact bluntness of the statement says a lot more than broad strokes would have.
Thanks. Nice and simple, that’s me 🙂
Great writing and a great message for us all to remember we are all connected and that we all have a story to tell.
Karen
We certainly do. Thanks Karen.
Powerful “switch” at the end. Marvelous.
Thank you Alicia.
I appreciate that you actually provide the full story (Beginning, middle and end) in 100 words. Your contribution today speaks directly to my heart. I often repeat, “There but for the grace of God, go I” as a reminder of just how lucky I am and how much I take for granted. This was beautifully and compassionately written.
Thanks Leona. I love the 100 word challenges, more so if they have a message behind them.
great irony… throwing a partially eaten hamburger to the needy who replies, i was like you once…
contempt prior to understanding. Good one. Randy
Thanks Randy.
A sobering piece. Such blatant contempt for human suffering. How easy it is to just close our eyes. I wonder how Jack became as he is. Great story.
Marg
Thanks Marg. I was laying awake thinking the same thing last night.
Oh, that’s not good. I do that sometimes too, and always swear I won’t do it again. However, the result was worth it in your case.
This is a moving story. I feel I’ve just been punched. I love the image of the invisibility cloak. Superb story.
Thanks very much Karen.
We know nothing of why, but somehow less is more in this piece. Well done.
Thanks Sandra.
That would have to be one of the most moving pieces of flash fiction I have read in a long, long time. Absolutely brilliant, Louise. Well done.
Thanks Lyn. I feel my writing is progressing through these challenges. The sense of community is fabulous.
This is a lovely piece of writing, with a big punch.
Claire
Thank you Claire.
Very sad and powerful story. I fear Jack hasn’t got long. I can imagine his head droop in despair and sadness as he delivers that last line.
Maybe it will all change for him, for the better.
Dear Louise,
Insightful, powerful and haunting. A great piece of writing.
On a grammatical note: What you want is “horde” not “hoard.” Aside from that…your writing amazes me every week.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle – I am touched by your comment. Thanks for the heads up on horde, I have changed it now.
This is wonderful. I love it. We are not all that different, and we all have a story. It would do us all some good to show compassion and find out what that story is.
It would. We all need to stop rushing around. Tganks for the comment Caerlynn.
Wow this is a powerful story that took my breath away. I really loved it. It really hits to the core. Excellent work!
Thanks so much!
A touching story with a thought-provoking and heart-touching message. Excellently done. I really like the cloak of invisibility line.
janet
Much appreciated Janet.
Heartbreaking, and also frustrating knowing how much food is literally thrown away both commercially and individually. I think this one will stay with me.
Thanks Joanna. Its shocking how much we waste and take for granted.
Your story is dripping with despair, it really touched me. Beautifully written.
Big thanks 🙂
Crying.
Tay.
Sorry! (But thanks).
So sad, what has happened to him?
I’ve been thinking about that myself Elizabeth.
It’s sad to read this, knowing it’s so realistic. I bet homeless feel invisible, and It can happen to anyone very easily. Great story.
Too easily. Thanks Amy.
Could happen to any of us.
DJ
It could Danny. Thanks.
Louise, This is very realistic and sad. I once watched an audience verbally attact homeless people on a TV program. People harbor a deep fear of poverty and these people scare them. Here many people walk by the begging poor as though they aren’t there. It’s a mind set. They can’t mentally permit themselves to believe that could happen to them. There’s fear there all the same, and those passerbys are often desparate to succeed out of fear it could actually happen to them. Sometimes if there’s a financial failure, fathers commit suicide taking their families with them. There’s huge pressure on students to succeed in school. Well written. — Susan
Hi Susan. Thanks for your comment. People do turn away from what makes them uncomfortable, as though it may be catching.
Yeah… You’ve captured the homeless isolation and misery really well.
How many times have I ignored the request for change, the plaintive cry for help of the homeless…
This story made me feel bad. Well done, excellent writing.
Thank you.
Oh, wow… This broke my heart. “I was once like you.” What a powerful line, in context. I was just done crying about another Friday Fiction story (and, here I go again).
Thank you for your talent, and for the lesson.
Thanks. Jack now has a new home in my wip and will be fine 🙂
Ah gee! this is so heart wrenching and unfortunately so true!! beautifully penned…
Thanks Oliana.
What you can do with 100 words continually impresses me. I do so enjoy your stories.
Thanks Melanie. That’s really nice to know 🙂