Flash Fiction – The Last Dance

bjc3b6rn-6

 

I clutch the developer’s letter tightly, my knuckles snow white. The words stick in my throat. A hard ball of fury ignites inside my stomach.

‘Surely they can’t force us out, my love, we have been here 30 years.’

I had danced for you in this room, clumsily removing clothes as you averted disbelieving eyes. Hot shame burned through me as I tried to salvage our fledgling relationship. I had danced while you lay on the ground, scarlet blood oozing from your gaping chest.

I hear the trucks approaching. I swallow handfuls of pills and dance one last time.

 

 

Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt.

Advertisements

54 thoughts on “Flash Fiction – The Last Dance

  1. A lot was happening, but you are a true, true writer in your blood, dealing with two entirely separate storylines in 100 words. The description alone was superb, and the dancing – wonderful stuff. You need more than 100 words to carry it though, the story is too good, clever and complex to be boxed down.

  2. I liked this, though like Hamish I thought there was a lot going on for 100 words. Being thrown out of the house by the developers, murder (?), suicide, a broken love affair. It’s very powerful though, and bears reading several times to savour the essence.

  3. Going to have to agree with Hamish and Sandra, though your migraine might explain this (I suffer through them myself, so I know how you feel, poor thing) — you’ve captured merely a snapshot. Would love to see you develop this into something of a couple thousand words or more.

  4. Well done – the ending really “snapped” me.
    Wondered about clutching the developer’s letter tightly with snow white knuckles, sounds like she is holding the paper in her knuckles (perhaps too picky of me to mention.)

  5. Dear F.F. I love the story and it is either a murder for requited love or suicide and whichever it is – you did a fine job with it. I hope your migraines get better. I used to get them at least once a month. But honestly, your story is top-notch and could be the opening scene of a mystery! Nan 🙂

  6. A sad end. What an insane dance…
    The developers will raze the house for a building where I hope no ghosts will dance…

  7. I really enjoyed this – think you did an excellent job of stitching together a lengthy, weird and finally violent relationship out of a clutch of memorable phrases.

  8. This is such a teasing piece. I really want to know more about their relationship. With her last act and the developers, we aren’t going to get to know. (As I wrote that, I realise we don’t know it’s a woman – assume so from the dancing, but equally it could be a man, and now I’m even more intrigued.) Well done.

  9. Enjoyed the intertwining of two narratives. Aren’t drabbles (100-word stories) a fantastic form of microfiction. I find they often point the way to the potential of a longer piece, but don’t lose the form – it is meant to be tight!

Constructive criticism appreciated

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s