I breathe in an inner peace that has been missing since the day I married. How quickly I had transformed from radiant bride to cowering wife. Your fists and words struck body and mind. The days blurred together with bruises and regret. It was over now. I was no longer broken.
My fingers stroke the burn on my arm from the iron. I recall the satisfying crack it made against your skull as I finally retaliated. Bone and blood splattered over the half-pressed shirt. White became crimson.
I may be confined to a cell now, but I finally feel free.
Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt.
fabricating fiction 
I was hesitant to like because it was so emotional horrible fro beginning to end and stomach turning. But that’s just how good it was. Excellent way with words.
Thank you. Feeling a little dark!
A miscarriage of justice considering how she was treated – too many marriages start off with reasonable expectation of happiness and end like this I think.
I especially liked the first paragraph, the imagery is very powerful.
I like to think she was out pretty quickly and a lot happier than when she went in.
Ah.. and I guess a divorce was out of the question.. hmm seldom works in self-defense cases…
Guess he would have just moved on and done it to someone else?
wonderfully dark. great writing. and the end about her finally finding freedom in her prison cell gave me chills. 🙂
That’s a great compliment coming from someone as talented as you. Thanks 🙂
Haunting. A very good, well written story.
Thanks Rachel.
Freedom of a different kind. Good idea, nicely executed.
Thank you Sandra.
A story well told, but all too true. She defended herself at long last. Her courage deserves a better defense attorney!
Absolutely.
Yikes. That’s pretty heavy stuff. Good story concept. From a writing style pov, and please bear in mind this is my own point of view, I think a few tweaks to the prose of your story would have made this an outstanding story.
Thanks for the comment. What kind of tweaks? I am very eager to learn
If you dropped “in” and “that has been” and stick a comma before missing, you lose nothing and emphasise the key words in your sentence better. Likewise with “had” just before transformed. You also change the tense from past, and make the story a little more live, giving the effect that the reader is part of the story instead of being told it.
Ironic ending. Wonderful!
Thank you.
Apart from the content (the age-old story that needs to be told and retold) I feel the piece has a rhythm to it that makes it easy to read and reinforces the emotion conveyed by the words.
Thanks Patrick.
Very good juxtaposition of freedom while in a cell and a well-told story of a horrible life. As far as tweaks go, I agree with dropping “had” before “transformed”. I would also change “It was over now. I was no longer broken,” to “It’s over. I’m no longer broken.” That puts your piece firmly in the present tense and helps the flow.
janet
It does Janet, thanks.
I found myself cringing when I read the story. Powerful and stomach-churning story.
Thanks for the feedback.
Dark and chilling. Liberation in the end from the prisons of the mind.
Freedom of the mind =!happiness 🙂
Powerful stuff – filled with emotion. The idea of being free while imprisoned is a clever one.
Thanks.
Sometimes we are trapped inside the invisible prison and once we manage to break free, nothing can hold us down again. Powerful writing.
Absolutely.
What a chilling tale and sad that she did not have the courage to walk out if such a marriage but had to barter her “freedom” to get another kind of freedom.Excellent writing !I loved the line,”The days blurred together with bruises and regret.” 🙂
Thanks. That was my favourite but,
🙂
Ouch! I hate to think of how many women and children go through this shite day after day and finally snap. Well done, my dear.
It was over now. I was no longer broken. (may I make a suggestion to put this in present tense? It is over now. I am no longer broken. Feels more powerful – in MY mind anyway)
Thanks for the feedback. Yes it does sound better in present tense.
Great story! I laughed, does that mean something is wrong with me. I am not vengeful but love to read it! Thanks!
Tee hee 🙂
Dear FF,
I hope she’ll be out on parole soon. She deserves some happiness. Haunting last line.
shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle for the challenges. It’s been a great help writing regularly.
Great story. I doubt she was wealthy enough to hire a good defense attorney. A wealthy person would probably not have gone to jail as it was self defense pure and simple. The problem is that if she had walked away he would most likely have tracked her down and killed her. If she had stayed, he would also have killed her eventually. Well written. It sounded very real. 🙂 —Susan
The safest outcome for her I think.
I love this because I love horror! There are no better ways than to kill our darling characters. A great piece of writing 🙂
Thanks. I love reading horror.
🙂
Well done. You tackled a very difficult and emotional subject and did it well within the 100 words.
Well told. Freedom is a state of mind, especially in this case. It’s a shame she ended up in prison but she seems much happier regardless.