Friday Fictioneers – Freedom

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I breathe in an inner peace that has been missing since the day I married. How quickly I had transformed from radiant bride to cowering wife. Your fists and words struck body and mind. The days blurred together with bruises and regret. It was over now. I was no longer broken.

My fingers stroke the burn on my arm from the iron. I recall the satisfying crack it made against your skull as I finally retaliated. Bone and blood splattered over the half-pressed shirt. White became crimson.

I may be confined to a cell now, but I finally feel free.

 

 

Written for Friday Fictioneers. A 100 word story inspired by a photo prompt.

 

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48 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Freedom

  1. I was hesitant to like because it was so emotional horrible fro beginning to end and stomach turning. But that’s just how good it was. Excellent way with words.

  2. A miscarriage of justice considering how she was treated – too many marriages start off with reasonable expectation of happiness and end like this I think.
    I especially liked the first paragraph, the imagery is very powerful.

  3. Yikes. That’s pretty heavy stuff. Good story concept. From a writing style pov, and please bear in mind this is my own point of view, I think a few tweaks to the prose of your story would have made this an outstanding story.

      • If you dropped “in” and “that has been” and stick a comma before missing, you lose nothing and emphasise the key words in your sentence better. Likewise with “had” just before transformed. You also change the tense from past, and make the story a little more live, giving the effect that the reader is part of the story instead of being told it.

  4. Apart from the content (the age-old story that needs to be told and retold) I feel the piece has a rhythm to it that makes it easy to read and reinforces the emotion conveyed by the words.

  5. Very good juxtaposition of freedom while in a cell and a well-told story of a horrible life. As far as tweaks go, I agree with dropping “had” before “transformed”. I would also change “It was over now. I was no longer broken,” to “It’s over. I’m no longer broken.” That puts your piece firmly in the present tense and helps the flow.

    janet

  6. What a chilling tale and sad that she did not have the courage to walk out if such a marriage but had to barter her “freedom” to get another kind of freedom.Excellent writing !I loved the line,”The days blurred together with bruises and regret.” πŸ™‚

  7. Ouch! I hate to think of how many women and children go through this shite day after day and finally snap. Well done, my dear.
    It was over now. I was no longer broken. (may I make a suggestion to put this in present tense? It is over now. I am no longer broken. Feels more powerful – in MY mind anyway)

  8. Great story. I doubt she was wealthy enough to hire a good defense attorney. A wealthy person would probably not have gone to jail as it was self defense pure and simple. The problem is that if she had walked away he would most likely have tracked her down and killed her. If she had stayed, he would also have killed her eventually. Well written. It sounded very real. πŸ™‚ —Susan

  9. Well done. You tackled a very difficult and emotional subject and did it well within the 100 words.

Constructive criticism appreciated

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